Just came back after watching "Remember ME". The movie simply shook my soul and made me think about the life that I've lived so far. Pretty rustic, half here..a bit there, promised but never fully delivered kinda stuff...in short PRETTY INSIGNIFICANT.How would people remember me if I die today or rather how would I reflect back on the life that I've lived so far. I technically should've written this stuff maybe after completing 50 years so that I could've thrown light on some of my achievements. In the curent scenario, the achievements a so few and far that jotting them down here is like shamelessly showing off half baked cake and telling people that this is going to be the most amazingly tasting cake in the world.
I started off real promising with all the traits pertaining to direction which read "He'll make it BIG". I took to everything with a vengeful competence with a desire to excel and be the best in whatever I set my foot into and was pretty much successful in it as I had the thirst and desire to go till the end.
I was a "prince in making" till my primary classes but never achieved the same success in the later part of my schooling.
Once I left school and joined college, I somehow lost the plot and the zeal to excel academically. The will and momentum to keep pushing myself to achieve the goals I had set for myself were abducted and killed off by some supernatural force. I somehow lowered the goals rather than to strive harder to achieve them. I covered myself in the blanket of "I don't become a part of rat race coz' even if I win, I still end up being a rat" shit which was and is an utterly disgusting excuse to the fact that I was not giving my best in the things that actually mattered. And yeah, reading "5 point someone" at that stage only made matters worse.
Though I missed the plot on academics, I still managed to excel at some other things which were close to my heart. I still remember the disgust in me after I failed to qualify for even one quiz in my first year of college while my neighbour was a mini celebrity in college as he was winning one quiz after the other. I stood in front of mirror and made a promise to myself that I'll win the much coveted quiz championship, which I eventually did, not once but twice and that did satiate my soul. I did achieve significant success in sports also but the fact that I didn't do justice to academics will not get compensated by all these achievements coz there were people who were good at all the things I was good at and at the same time were doing well in studies also.
Though the outing in college was a moderately successful one, what added feathers to that was the 2 jobs that I was able to bag. There were people who were better than me who deserved those jobs more than I did, but luck smiled on me. After that luck winked at me and said "hereon, u're on your own, buddy" and took some other way leaving me all by mself.
The life after college was and still is messy, confusing, directionless and what not. Working in Finance for 6 months, IT for more than a year, making significant amount of money first, then not making any, then making money but not so significant, then choosing not to make any, I've been through this whole cycle and am still as bewildered and perplexed as I was when I stepped into my first office for the first time. Making money is fine, spending that on yourself and your loved ones is even better but what about that thing called "Satisfaction" that has gone missing? The last two years of my life have been absolute insane and crazy as I headed nowhere, just stood at one place doing nothing, didn't grow a bit, did learn a few significant things about life though, but again, didn't put them in practise.
So, here I am, 24 year old Vivek, unsatisfied with the work that he's doing, unhappy with the life that he's leading and undecided about the future course of action. I hope when I'll look up this post after a few years, I would smile and say "you've done a good work on your life even after being into the mess at that time". Till then, my life just remains that "Pretty INSIGNIFICANT" and nothing more.
But now I have a goal and the zeal to succeed is back. So this is the time to take life head-on and give my best shot so that there doesn't remain any pitiful excuses and even more pitiable "IF ONLY" conversations like they exist in my life in current scenario.
I started off real promising with all the traits pertaining to direction which read "He'll make it BIG". I took to everything with a vengeful competence with a desire to excel and be the best in whatever I set my foot into and was pretty much successful in it as I had the thirst and desire to go till the end.
I was a "prince in making" till my primary classes but never achieved the same success in the later part of my schooling.
Once I left school and joined college, I somehow lost the plot and the zeal to excel academically. The will and momentum to keep pushing myself to achieve the goals I had set for myself were abducted and killed off by some supernatural force. I somehow lowered the goals rather than to strive harder to achieve them. I covered myself in the blanket of "I don't become a part of rat race coz' even if I win, I still end up being a rat" shit which was and is an utterly disgusting excuse to the fact that I was not giving my best in the things that actually mattered. And yeah, reading "5 point someone" at that stage only made matters worse.
Though I missed the plot on academics, I still managed to excel at some other things which were close to my heart. I still remember the disgust in me after I failed to qualify for even one quiz in my first year of college while my neighbour was a mini celebrity in college as he was winning one quiz after the other. I stood in front of mirror and made a promise to myself that I'll win the much coveted quiz championship, which I eventually did, not once but twice and that did satiate my soul. I did achieve significant success in sports also but the fact that I didn't do justice to academics will not get compensated by all these achievements coz there were people who were good at all the things I was good at and at the same time were doing well in studies also.
Though the outing in college was a moderately successful one, what added feathers to that was the 2 jobs that I was able to bag. There were people who were better than me who deserved those jobs more than I did, but luck smiled on me. After that luck winked at me and said "hereon, u're on your own, buddy" and took some other way leaving me all by mself.
The life after college was and still is messy, confusing, directionless and what not. Working in Finance for 6 months, IT for more than a year, making significant amount of money first, then not making any, then making money but not so significant, then choosing not to make any, I've been through this whole cycle and am still as bewildered and perplexed as I was when I stepped into my first office for the first time. Making money is fine, spending that on yourself and your loved ones is even better but what about that thing called "Satisfaction" that has gone missing? The last two years of my life have been absolute insane and crazy as I headed nowhere, just stood at one place doing nothing, didn't grow a bit, did learn a few significant things about life though, but again, didn't put them in practise.
So, here I am, 24 year old Vivek, unsatisfied with the work that he's doing, unhappy with the life that he's leading and undecided about the future course of action. I hope when I'll look up this post after a few years, I would smile and say "you've done a good work on your life even after being into the mess at that time". Till then, my life just remains that "Pretty INSIGNIFICANT" and nothing more.
But now I have a goal and the zeal to succeed is back. So this is the time to take life head-on and give my best shot so that there doesn't remain any pitiful excuses and even more pitiable "IF ONLY" conversations like they exist in my life in current scenario.
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